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Miami Social

 (Series -- Bravo, Tues. July 14, 10 p.m.)

By BRIAN LOWRY

'Miami Social'

Produced by Pink Sneakers Prods. Executive producers, Kimberly Belcher Cowin, John Ehrhard; supervising producers, Susan Janis-Mashayekhi, Calvin Simmons, Andrew Lipson; producers, Kristy Wampole, Jamie Iracleanos, Julie Murphy.
 

Taking vacuity to a new level, Bravo's "Miami Social" might provide a wake-up call to a network that risks running out of rich and fabulous people to profile. Lacking the connective tissue of the "Real Housewives" franchise, this new docusoap feels heavily directed and still manages to feature a loosely aligned group without a single redeeming quality among those in it, other than the cut of their jaw line or the size of their boobs. So what's "Miami Social" about? It's about an hour, and a long one at that.

Even as train wrecks go, the series doesn't deliver, diving right into the South Beach social scene through a collection of folks -- straight, gay, bisexual -- distinguished only by the fact that a few of the women speak in adorable Euro-trash accents. At certain points, you wonder if they're going to ask Boris to kill that moose and squirrel.

They spend most of their time obsessing about relationships and how they look. Loosely at the center are George, who is now dating what he calls a "Russian hottie" (others refer to her as "psycho"); and his ex-wife Sorah. They're part of a core cast of seven who can't even stage an interesting conversation over lunch at an outdoor cafe, which they do -- often -- during the first two episodes.

Almost everything here rings false, including the two-way phone conversations (with cameras on both sides), the longings of "celebrity journalist" Michael to find a guy and the eager-to-shock pronouncements by fashion photographer/bisexual/single mom Maria and fashion producer/omnisexual Ariel ("I'm kind of like a rock star. I go with whatever's hot").

Seldom has life in the fast lane looked so depressing and boring -- beginning with the "characters" being virtually indistinguishable from each other. They also sit around and argue about matters of great substance, like whether E! reality pin-up Kim Kardashian is "a whore."

Bravo is taking steps to expand into the scripted arena, and coming on the heels of the slow-starting "NYC Prep," "Social" suggests such a move is coming just in time -- inasmuch as the soap part of its reality-TV portfolio beyond "Housewives" is showing its age lines.

Still, while precious little about the singles strutting their stuff here seems real, they could sure as hell use a better script.

Camera, Richie Banales, Lucas O'Brien. RUNNING TIME: 60 MIN.