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Rollergirls

 (Series -- A&E, Mon. Jan. 2, 10 p.m.)

By BRIAN LOWRY

'Rollergirls'

Produced by Go Go Luckey Prods. Executive producers, Gary Auerbach, Julie Auerbach, Nancy Dubuc; co-executive producers, Tina Gazzerro, Matt Hovis, Karen Jacobs.
 

Racing along parallel tracks that require ginning up faux drama, roller derby and reality TV had to collide sooner or later. Yet A&E's slightly salacious attempt to wed the two by focusing on an all-female league feels especially ersatz, feebly seeking to create suspense surrounding the poorly shot bouts -- which were fixed back when the L.A. T-Birds were skating -- while simultaneously exploring the competitors' lives. What emerges, then, is a strange hybrid, with women who obligingly drink a lot but aren't good enough actresses on or off the track to sell any authentic sense of drama.

(Editor's note: Although the new roller derby uses character names and outlandish costumes, league organizers say the outcome of the matches is not staged or predetermined.)

It doesn't help that the producers (whose credits include MTV's "Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County") shape the episodes as if they were little sports movies, peddling cliches about the nervous rookie, the veteran making a comeback or the underdog team. That might work with a real sport, but it's kind of a buzzkill when dealing with a staged one.

That isn't to say that the young women participating in the Austin, Texas, roller-derby league aren't athletic, though it's hard to appreciate their skills in the uninvolving way the matches are lensed, despite lame efforts to pump up the drama. "I guarantee this one's going to come down to the wire!" an announcer blares at one point, which isn't much of a guarantee, since all roller derby goes down to the wire.

Nor has A&E served up much T&A, despite billboards ("America's new roll models") that promise more flesh than is revealed. Fashion hint: Knee and elbow pads are not sexy.

Because it's a half-assed "sport," most of the women have day jobs, and they party hard when they're not playing or practicing. The gals swig tequila, TP each other's houses and generally behave like naughty sorority girls, living up (or down) to stage names like Venis Envy, Miss Conduct and Punky Bruiser.

They also interact with friends and family, yet as with their own banter, none of it's remotely convincing. Are we really supposed to believe that they're nervous about an upcoming bout? Elated when they mount a "surprise" come-from-behind victory? Even pro wrestling invites viewers in on the gag, which is more than can be said here.

"Rollergirls" has a blade to stand on, perhaps, when examining the hardscrabble lives that might inspire a woman to embark on this career, enduring bumps and bruises for fleeting cheers from the modest crowds that fill the "Thunderdome" each weekend.

As with most reality of this type, however, the show overreaches -- another logline that hasn't developed an actual series to back it up.

Hype and showmanship are fine, but trying to depict roller derby as sport instead of performance art? Unless your brain's been hip-checked into the railing, come on, get real.

Supervising producers, Colleen Conway, Sandy Guthrie; line producer, Debra W. Davis; directors, Mark Miks, Bradley Beesley, Dan Brown, Gazzerro; music, Jon Ernst; casting, Morgan Fahey. Running time: 60 MIN.