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Nanny 911

 (Series -- Fox, Wed. Nov. 3, 9 p.m.)

By MICHAEL SPEIER

Nancy Yvonne, left, Nanny Deb, Head Nanny Liliam, Frasier the butler and Nanny Stella aren't afraid to crack the whip.

Filmed in various locations by Granada America. Executive producers, Bruce Toms, Paul Jackson; co-executive producers, Gerry McKean, Michael Shevloff.
 

The first television show that could seriously double as birth control, Fox's "Nanny 911" showcases troubling tantrums, disgusting messes and thoroughly exhausted parents who get little sympathy and absolutely no breaks. But that's what you sign up for when you pine for little moppets floating around the house -- even if it means you need some big-time help to corral and feed them, and shut their chocolate-covered, spit bubble-making mouths.

Reality show won't mean much to anyone without children, but for those blessed enough to get disrespected as spaghetti is thrown on the floor during dinner time because you won't let them watch Nickelodeon, this is heaven. Show is a facsimile -- OK, a ripoff -- of ABC format buy "Supernanny," which has no airdate yet.

Opening hour has a SoCal clan of four struggling to make things less hectic. Mom Karen is a psychomama control freak, and dad Matt hates everyone so much, he'd rather stay at work than come home. The culprits are familiar types: Four-year-old Dylan is already starting to curse, while his little sister, Natalie, is a crybaby -- with pipes like Sarah Vaughn.

Overscored and overedited, show is both an example of bad television and great train wrecks. On the easy-to-analyze side, everyone needs to just calm down and realize kids are terrible little monsters most of the time -- until they kiss you.

On the more practical side, this family, which eventually gets help from Deb, one of a cadre of specialist nannies chosen by head nanny Lilian, was in dire need of some outside help before someone lost it -- exactly why they wanted to be on the show.

That or the cruise they got as a parting gift.

Running Time: 60 MIN.