Opening

Showtime

Robert De Niro and Eddie Murphy star in Warner Bros. 'Showtime.'

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"Being a police officer is not what you see on television," De Niro's LAPD detective Mitch Preston insists to a bunch of schoolchildren in the opening scene. A no-nonsense 28-year vet, Preston is a curmudgeonly loner who takes risks to do his job and certainly isn't interested in any special attention for doing so.

By contrast, Murphy's Trey Sellars would seem to be the force's resident clown, a marginally competent patrol officer who spends altogether too much time auditioning for cop roles on TV. So, natch, when pushy reality show producer Chase Renzi (Rene Russo) gets a greenlight for six episodes of a new series that will document the exploits of two partners, one guess whom she wants as her team.

Coerced into participating, Mitch can't abide Trey's foolishness and lack of smarts as a real policeman, although the latter's pranks and extroverted personality play well on television; as Trey says at one point, "I'm ain't no Sam Jackson, but I'm talented."

Much of the desired humor is supposed to turn on the paradox of the mediocre officer looking good on TV and the cop's cop coming off as an amateur onscreen. For instance, when T.J. Hooker himself, William Shatner, is enlisted to give the guys tips on how to do "real" cop moves like rolling off the hood of a car, Mitch can't do a thing, leading Shatner to exclaim, "This guy is the worst actor I have ever seen."

Remaining stabs at laughs have mostly to do with Chase's efforts at making the stubborn, determinedly solitary Mitch more TV-friendly by giving him a makeover involving darkening his graying hair, replacing his nondescript car with a Hummvee (Trey gets a Corvette) and redecorating his homely bachelor's abode in gaudy colors, prompting Mitch to scoff, "It looks like a gay porno star lives here."

Effectively turned into Starsky and Hutch, Mitch and Trey get involved in some very generic law enforcement antics with some drug dealing gangstas, one of whom is rubbed out by their boss, the flamboyant Vargas (Pedro Damian), who totes around a machine gun with bazooka-like power.

"Story" concocted by producer Jorge Saralegui is a situation, not a plot, and screenwriters Keith Sharon, Alfred Gough and Miles Millar, latter two of whom penned "Shanghai Noon," the one previous feature of present director Tom Dey, have struggled to come up with enough material even for the mercifully brief hour-and-a-half running time.

De Niro and Murphy look like they were having a better time slumming through this than audiences will have watching them, an impression fortified by the closing credits outtakes. Playing a stridently aggressive and insincere spokeswoman for everything that's worst about television, Russo has arguably never been unappealing onscreen before, but apparently there's a first time for everything.

Everyone else looks like they're just punching the clock. The one surprise is a guy who looks just like Johnnie Cochran briefly appearing as the arrogant defense attorney of a young gangsta; lo and behold, the final cast crawl reveals that it really is Johnnie L. Cochran Jr.

Shot in murky, muddy colors, pic has a notably ugly look for a major studio production.

Camera (Technicolor, Otto Nemenz Cameras widescreen), Thomas Kloss; editor, Billy Weber; music, Alan Silvestri; music supervisors, Michael McQuarn, Joel Sill; production designer, Jeff Mann; art director, Geoffrey Hubbard; set designers, George R. Lee, Bill Hiney, Nick Navarro, Beck Taylor; set decorator, Tessa Posnansky; costume designer, Christopher Lawrence; supervising sound editors (Dolby Digital/DTS/SDDS), J. Paul Huntsman, Christopher Aud; sound designer, John Fasal; assistant director, Josh King; second unit directors, E.J. Foerster, Jack Gill; stunt coordinator, Gill; second unit camera, Jamie Anderson; casting, Ellen Chenoweth. Reviewed at Warner Bros. Studios, Burbank, March 7, 2002. MPAA Rating: PG-13. Running time: 95 MIN.