Top Secret!
From: Cesar Millan
To: The Coen brothers
CC:
Subject: Gloom
Sent: Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Dear Coen brothers:
Your dog enjoys a healthy atmosphere of vigorous physical activity, but his people skills leave much to be desired, and squeaking "WHAT a good dog" doesn't seem to be working. To show him who's boss, attach a long choke chain, and yank and heel him whenever there's a loud noise, such as the burst of an air gun. Keep him swimming, and tell Mr. Brolin not to look at him directly. Soon he'll be so docile he'll lead you to where the money's hidden, but if you're not firm, your domestic performance could be impaired. Americans don't like to see their heroes chewed up. This is no country for mauled men.
Be strong!
Cesar Millan a/k/a the Dog Whisperer
More secret documents from the major players here.
To: The Coen brothers
CC:
Subject: Gloom
Sent: Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Dear Coen brothers:
Your dog enjoys a healthy atmosphere of vigorous physical activity, but his people skills leave much to be desired, and squeaking "WHAT a good dog" doesn't seem to be working. To show him who's boss, attach a long choke chain, and yank and heel him whenever there's a loud noise, such as the burst of an air gun. Keep him swimming, and tell Mr. Brolin not to look at him directly. Soon he'll be so docile he'll lead you to where the money's hidden, but if you're not firm, your domestic performance could be impaired. Americans don't like to see their heroes chewed up. This is no country for mauled men.
Be strong!
Cesar Millan a/k/a the Dog Whisperer
More secret documents from the major players here.
Red Carpet District is Variety contributor Kristopher Tapley's attempt at making sense of the ever-expanding glut of film awards coverage. He's been on the beat for six years. Email 
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