Jeff Wells is precious, needs more from his milkshake experience
Never a dull moment:
And the cup should have been specially designed with a photo of Daniel Day Lewis sucking down a shake with a bent straw...vif-vif-vif-vif-vif! And the shakes should have been come from Haagen-Dazs or Ben and Jerry's or some chi-chi ice cream shop in Beverly Hills -- McDonalds is for peons! (Do you run a class shop or don't you?) And the delivery guy should have worn a Daniel Plainview costume -- wide-brimmed hat, brown lace-up boots, fake moustache, oil smears on his cheek and neck and shirt sleeves.
The rest.
Sasha Stone, meanwhile, has the right idea:
I was really hoping he would give me the milkshake and then take a long straw and reach over and drink mine up. Then bludgeon me over the head with a…well, you know.
Hahaha.
Red Carpet District is Variety contributor Kristopher Tapley's attempt at making sense of the ever-expanding glut of film awards coverage. He's been on the beat for six years. Email 
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