September
1John McCain's Casting Couch
For one thing, there’s always somebody in the meeting who thinks he has the magic answers. He knows who is destined for stardom. Then there’s the director, who looks smart but can’t make up his mind.
I was thinking about this process the other day when I learned that John McCain had held his casting session and selected his star – a woman named Sarah Palin. McCain and Palin have had only one substantive conversation, it seems, but he concluded she was right for the role. Or maybe that’s what his casting director told him.
I would imagine the McCain casting process went roughly like this:
McCain: I’ve got a big problem here. My prospective running mates are about as exciting as a Senate debate. They couldn’t keep a Rotary Club awake.So that’s how I think McCain chose his co-star. And he’d better be happy with his choice because this show is already on the road.
Casting Director: I hear you. You need an unknown. Maybe your show needs a female lead.
McCain: Cindy is my female lead.
Casting Director: So we find a second lead. She should have looks, but not celebrity looks, like Barack.
McCain: She should suggest ‘values.’ And still have charisma. Someone like Hillary. But not like Hillary.
Casting Director: An Annette Bening type. Annette has lots of kids but you’d never know it.
McCain: But we need someone with Middle America kids.
Casting Director: So she must be a Mom. The sort of Mom Dr. Laura would be if she were a woman.
McCain: Family values. Pro-life. Remember the young Debbie Reynolds? Saucy but sweet. A soccer mom type.
Casting Director: Soccer mom is old. I’m thinking hockey mom. More active. I’m thinking Alaska. That Governor woman in Alaska.
McCain: I said I wanted an unknown, but not an Eskimo.
Casting Director: No, no…the Alaska woman was once a model before she became a governor. Been in office a few weeks but still a hockey mom.
McCain: That’s good. No baggage like Joe Biden has.
Casting Director: She’s a little too pretty but I’ll tell her to wear her glasses. And bring her kids.
McCain: She must wear her glasses when she meets Cindy.
Casting Director: I’ll set up a screen test. With glasses. Plus I think I can get options on her.
McCain: Must have options. If she works out we want to own her for two terms.
Casting Director: It’s in the bag.
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Obama: I''ve got a problem. I need to sure up the white male vote.
Casting Director: That may be true but how can you not pick Hillary as your VP? She got 18 million votes!
Obama: I don''t need the Clintons...I''m the star of the democratic party now. Plus, who needs Bubba staring over my shoulder for 8 years and chasing every skirt in the White House.
Casting Director: Well, you''re the "agent of change", how about someone like Joe Biden? Nothing says change like someone who has spent 35 years in the senate.
Obama: But he only got 9,000 votes in the primaries and those stupid hair plugs of his.
Casting Director: All true. But you are going to win this thing going away so play it safe. McCain is going to pick a boring white guy too. No worries.
Obama: Cool. McCain may be a war hero but he can''t read off a teleprompter like me!
Posted by: Obie | 9/12/2008 11:39:21 AM