Goldberg meets 'Alan Smithee'

GOOD MORNING: Whoopi Goldberg admitted she didn't know who "Alan Smithee" is as she reported for her one-day role in Joe Eszterhas' "An Alan Smithee Film." But there she was in the cigar smoke-filled Beverly Wilshire Hotel bar early Thursday morning when I caught up with her, playing herself; she was being directed by Arthur Hiller, with producer Ben Myron hanging in alongside the camera. Hiller explained to Goldberg that "Smithee" is the nom de pic for disgruntled directors whose work was, according to them, massacred by producers, studio execs, etc. Hiller himself had sat on DGA boards to hear directors' pleas for "Smithee" credit on their scrambled chef d'oeuvres. No, Hiller had not taken on a Smithee credit himself. He said director John Rich suggested the "Alan Smithee" moniker instead of "Alan Smith," since there could have been a DGA member by the name of "Smith" Howcum Goldberg is playing the one-day role (cut down from two)? "I wanted to be in a Joe Eszterhas movie -- an action movie -- this is all encompassing. I can now say I've been in 'a Joe Eszterhas movie' -- let them guess which one!" Arthur Hiller says he is enjoying the experience of working with Eszterhas, saying the writer reminds him of Neil Simon (on "The Out Of Towners"). Eszterhas makes changes, additions, new scenes, on the spot, even before Hiller tells him that's what he'd like! How are the high-priced cameo stars, like Goldberg, Stallone and Jackie Chan (plus the rest of the name cast), paid? Some, like Hiller, get participation deals on the low-budgeter. Meanwhile, Goldberg was thoroughly enjoying herself, even though she'd winged out from the N.Y. rehearsals of "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum" and jetted back after the last scene Thursday night. She bows in "Forum" Feb. 10, taking over the Nathan Lane role and is excited about the four-month B'way stand. ... Hardly any of Larry Gelbart's lines in "Forum" have to be altered, she said. In preparation for the exceedingly physical role, Whoopi will stop smoking on Jan. 1. On Monday, she will be on B'way for friend Frank Langella's bow in "Present Laughter." ... While awaiting Whoopi's entrance into "Forum," Larry Gelbart will be exec producing his "Weapons of Mass Distraction" for HBO with Gabriel Byrne, Ben Kingsley, Mimi Rogers and Barry Levinson (playing a BevHills plastic surgeon). Stephen Surjik directs. It's about the tabloidization of America. As I was leaving "Smithee" at the BevWilshire, Arnold Rifkin was arriving from the Wm. Morris office around the corner to visit client Goldberg. Rifkin also represents co-stars Sylvester Stallone, Jackie Chan and Joe Eszterhas!

CAA'S STAFF TURNED OUT EARLY Thursday morning in the agency auditorium to hear alumnus-founder Bill Haber talk about the plans and needs for Save The Children-U.S., which he heads. It was one of 20 stops he and Save's Catherine Milton had made in three days, with more planned on their next visit. They had been at the William Morris office, Haber's alma mater; he told the young agents starting out, "This is where it all started for me." His advice to them, as it has always been to those at CAA: "Don't ever say 'No' to me." Now he wants "Yes" to the pleas to save the children and, in turn, to save America. Haber had visited ICM, Ron Meyer (former partner at CAA) and Lew Wasserman at Universal, Aaron Spelling as well. Haber reeled off frightening figures of the plight of children in America and reminded, "Every minute counts: every nine seconds a kid drops out of school, every minute a baby is born to a teenage mother, every two hours a child is killed by firearms." Haber's plans are giant, but do-able. His agency training brings results wherever he goes; at the Carousel Ball, f'rinstance, he got Kevin Costner to narrate a p.s.a. on the plight of Bosnian children. After unspooling his five-point program in less than a half-hour at CAA, Haber got a standing ovation from the group which, you can bet, will come aboard as will anyone who hears Haber.

CONTINUING TO FILL THE "LATER" NBC hosting gig next week will be the web's vet sportscaster Ahmad Rashad. Monday, he guests Shaquille O'Neal, no stranger to Rashad from the basketball world but they talk his showbiz career. Rashad also visits with Ted Danson, Richard Lewis and Denzel Washington. How about wife Phylicia? Connie Stevens, although busy prepping daughter Joely Fisher's New Year's Eve wedding, spent Veterans Day at the VA hospital gifting vets with 5,000 of her "Kitak" shaving kits and interviewing women who served for her docu, "Women Who Served in Vietnam." This weekend, Stevens entertains at the Larry King Cardiac Foundation Gala in D.C. On hand to applaud Don Rickles at the Tropicana in Vegas: Brooke Shields and fiancee Andre Agassi, Judd Nelson and other members of the "Suddenly Susan" cast. Rickles' son Larry is on the "Susan" production staff.